"Best humorous vehicle description?" Topic

I was on another forum today (not wargaming) and they were talking about the best descriptions for aircraft.

Some good examples were the F4 Phantom, 'A triumph of thrust over aerodynamics', the Beaufighter 'Proof that you can get the kitchen table to fly if you stick enough power on the front' and the Shackleton '8,000 rivets flying in close formation'.

Do people have any good description for other stuff? doesn't have to be aviation related.

* Bob Siemple tank: when a bull dozer meets a garden shed full of machine guns.

* M3 Grant: grave for seven brothers (nickname in Soviet usage).

English Electric Lightning, 2 Engines with a pilot strapped on top.

Carden lloyd/Bren/Universal carriers.

A method of transporting a weapons and its crew across shell torn/bullet swept country in extreme discomfort!

The Vought SB2U Vindicator was so underpowered that its crews refered to it as the 'Wind Indicator'.

According to Ludovic Kennedy, the Bismarck crew reportedly found the "World War One biplanes" that were attacking them rather amusing.

At first.

IIRC the following comment was made about various bits of kit used by the BEF in France, 1940 'the best thing about this vehicle is that we had to leave most of them behind on the beach at Dunkirk'.

The F014 Starfighter – a plane with the grace and aerodynamics of a brick (spoken by an ex-Starfighter jock)

I seem to recall one F-4 Phantom pilot, on viewing the aircraft for the first time, asking whether it had been delivered upside down.

Sherman… known as "Tommy cooker" by the Germans, or as the "Ronson" – "lights first time every time".

w.

CH-46 – the Boeing bodybag… a bigger load of passengers just means a bigger death toll for the inevitable failures.

Harriers were sometimes described as lawn darts around their homebase at MCAS Cherry Point, becuase of a series of local crashes…

The B-26 was known as "The Baltimore Wh0re" (edited to bypass the Bleep-o-matic) since it had no visible means of support.

Off topic (post war) the F-105 was nicknamed the "Thud" because of the noise it supposedly made when hitting the ground. The F-104 was also described as "a rocket with a man on it". The T-37 was described as the only aircraft to convert JP-4 jet fuel directly into noise.

<quote>The F-104 was also described as "a rocket with a man on it". </quote>

The missile with the man in it.

<quote>Off topic (post war) the F-105 was nicknamed the "Thud" because of the noise it supposedly made when hitting the ground. </quote>

The official name of the F-105 was this "Thunderchief." On the very popular "Howdy-Doody Show," there was a character named "Chief Thunderthud."

A OV-2 Cessna pilot (who flew out of Thailand over Laos) called it, a weird tiny plane with engines that sounded like two lawnmowers.

BT-7: 'cardboard armor'-soviet
T-34: 'caviar cans' -(?)
M16 Quad 'fifty: 'meatchopper'-Burt Gummer:"The right tool for the job!"
God:sniper with a .50 'anti-material' rifle
Early model of M16 assault rifle:"FRI#*#&^%#!!!!"
P38 canopener:"OW-OW-OW-OW-OW!!!"

more, I can't remember..

T-34: 'caviar cans' -(?)

Do you really need this explained? :)

To illustrate their sense of humour – some Red Army Slang…

Tushonka = 1. A tinned stew supplied under Lend lease or 2. Tank Crew.

Podsnezhnik/i(Snowdrop/s) = Axis soldier/s because they appear on the ground when the snow melts. ;)

BT's, T26's etc. were known as Sparrow Shooters.

SU76 – Suka (Bitch)

M3 Lee tank- "Coffin for Seven brothers"

M3 Stuart in UK service was the "Honey" I think due to easier servicing, better reliability and ride than the old Light Tanks.

F104 Lawn Darts, wasn't there a band called Captain Lockheed and the Starfighters?

SU-152 'Zveroboy' meaning 'Beast Killer'

JS-III 'Shchuka' 'Pike' due to its pointy nose

Beaufighter 'whispering death'

Mosquito 'wooden wonder'

RE8 'Harry Tate' (just because it rhymes I think)

B52 'aluminium overcast' or 'BUFF'

While the B-52 was the BUFF, I always liked the A-7 Corsair, aka SLUF :-)

Captain Lockheed and the Starfighters was an albulm by Bob Calvert, from Hawkwind. Quality stuff.

"Anybody want to buy a starfighter ? Buy an acre of ground and wait……"

I always liked the Gloster Javelin's epithet, "The Harmonious Dragmaster".

But the best aircraft name of all is the one given to the Blackburn (later Hawker-Siddeley) Buccaneer. When the project was begun, in the 1950s, British defence projects used "colour" names. Some, such as Red Top, Yellow Sun, Blue Steel, Green Archer, Yellow Veil, Red Shrimp, Orange Putter and White Sifter made it into service, but others, like Orange William, Indigo Hammer, Blue Boar, Brown Bunny, Blue Water and Blue Streak fell by the wayside. Now, the name Buccaneer had not yet been assigned to the aircraft; Blackburn had a project for an aircraft for the Royal Navy. So they called it A Royal Naval Aircraft, hence, the Blackburn ARNA. It must have taken about three seconds for someone to change that into the Black Banana.

All the best,

John.

We had a light truck that was so awful in design and so awkward to drive that we'd describe it as:

"Engineered by drivers to be driven by engineers"

The Supermarine Walrus, known as the Shagbat…

The F4U Corsair was called Whistling Death by the Japanese.

The St. Chamanond tank's poor power train was described as an elephant on the legs of a gazelle.

The M113A1 APC Fleet was refered to as a "Butter Box" or a "Aluminium Coke Can". The Unimog truck was a "Mog". single syllables made it easier for infantry types to pronounce!

"The T-37 was described as the only aircraft to convert JP-4 jet fuel directly into noise"

Also called the x thousand pound dog whistle.

The F105 was also called the "Polish Glider"

jdg

we always called the M113s the Spam can.

Gamma Goats got called a lot of things, none of which will get through the filter.

Owen

The M113A1 APC Fleet was refered to as a "Butter Box" or a "Aluminium Coke Can".

I think I have heard it also described as an "Aluminium box on tracks" and less flatteringly as "Aluminium coffin on tracks".

The biggest problem with the 104 was while decent enough in its primary role of intercepting bombers it was overburdened when Lockheed convinced several NATO countries it was perfectly capable of ground support.

The old joke with the 104 was:
"How do you get your own F-104?"
"Buy some land in Germany and wait."

"How do you get your own F-104?"
"Buy some land in Germany and wait."

I remember a fellow in Germany, who in trouble, decided to punch out over the runway. Trouble was he was upside down. Took two days for the airfield engineers to repair the hole in the runway!

I remember a fellow in Germany, who in trouble, decided to punch out over the runway. Trouble was he was upside down. Took two days for the airfield engineers to repair the hole in the runway!--Canuckistan Commander

EEEEwwwwwwwwww.

Being upside down and ejecting wouldn't be a problem in the F-104's (initially, anyway). The seats ejected down, not up. They changed it later.

Bristol Freighter, 50,000 rivets in loose formation.

Bristol Belfast known as the Bristol Belslow, they said its payload range (from the UK) was a concrete truck to Cyprus or eggs to Austrailia, as long as you didn't mind hard concrete or rotten eggs.

Robert

When the first TBF Avengers were flying out to Midway, the captain of the AA troops there wanted to prevent his crews shooting at these unfamiliar planes, but the only point of reference he had was the F4F Wildcat. So he told his men that the TBF "looks like a pregnant F4F." They got the idea.

A B-29 pilot said its cockpit made him feel like he was sitting on the front porch and flying a house.

B36 Peacemaker = "the aluminum overcast" (due to its size)

MiG-21 = "the go-nowhere, do-nothing fighter" (due to its short range and light armament)

Any given helicopter: 10,000 parts flying in loose formation around an oil leak, held together by safety wire.

Bristol Freighter – Bristol Vibrator (because they did)

F105 – Squash bomber(because they could take out the target by taxiing over it)

F16 – Bingo is my namo (fuel issues)

For 1960s RAF transports, I quite like "Whistling Wheelbarrow" for the Argosy.

As a generic nickname for any helo, there's "shuddering house", "angry palm-tree", or, reputedly, from PNG Pidgin "Bloody Great Mixmaster Blong Jesus Christ".

All the best,

John.

Definately heard the "aluminum can on tracks" for the M113.

My Dad used to recall the B-26 Marauder being called the "flying coffin".

There were many, many funny (but, unfortunately vulgar) nicknames my fellow soldiers used to call the Gamma Goat – that boon to military design….

The flat-bed tractor trailers my engineer unit had were called "low boys". While that is hardly a funny nickname, they did have the distinction of setting the unit's record for number of days being marked as "unavailable due to machanical issues" on the unit's maintenance report. Next up were both of our AVLBs.

" wasn't there a band called Captain Lockheed and the Starfighters?"

There was indeed.

CH-47 Chinook call hhooks. Hope the bleeper gets that.

Most of us called it a pop gun since most other USN ships had a larger 5"/54 gun.

Of course the Sonar techs used to call our SQS-56 Sonar Helen Keller.

Chinook – Two palm trees having sex in a dumpster. One of the few aircraft in the world capable of having a mid-air with itself.

CIWS-We called it R2D2…

A British infantryman upon seeing an M-3 Lee tank for the first time: "It looks like a bloody cathedral driving down the road!"

F-16, also known as a "lawn-dart", for obvious reasons.

"F104G?"
"Yes, Herr Minister……G for Germany……."

Nice to see my old mate Bob Calvert getting a few mentions here; a great, if totally loopy, guy who is still missed.

The A-10 Warthog. Known in German as the 'panzerknacker'